pacman inkee

cheer bears

cheer bears by hep
cheer bears, a photo by hep on Flickr.

last night was the first home game for zoe's high school, so her first time cheering in front of a home crowd. it was super fun even tho her team lost. both teams played really well, and if there was another 15sec i think her school could have tied it up and gone into OT. it is so brutally cold at those games that they are allowed to finish the second half with their warm-ups on over their uniforms. i want to pick up some gloves for all the girls so i think i will hit daiso this week and find something. they were all awesome tho. her school's band also plays the home games, and it's a giant fkn marching band which most of her friends are in (the band has *2* sousaphones. thats how big it is. and like 6 of every other instrument!). the band sits in the center section in the bleachers facing the cheerleaders and there is a ton of amusing back and forth between them. the band will often cheer (AND do the cheer dances) along with the girls, and the cheerleaders do special dances to some of the band's numbers.



i, as usual, am super crazy busy. i have exploratory surgery, biopsy, and possible mass removal next week, so expect either complete radio silence or hundreds of poorly worded, pain medicine induced rambly posts about daytime tv. since they have no real idea what they will find (for those just joining, they discovered a non-cancerous (probably cyst) mass inside my abdomen about 6mo ago. it's finally reaching the "we can't figure out wtf this is on every scan we made you take, so we are just gonna cut right in there and poke around a bit" phase of things. it is 99% likely a cyst on either my upper GI or bladder, probably bladder since i have had both gallbladder and kidney cysts my whole life.) there is no real way to tell how i will be afterwards, which makes it incredibly hard to plan my schedule and work. so i am fully booked working like a dog until tuesday night. not to mention the 2 doctors appts per day i need to hit up, because i will have three surgeons i need to meet with all of them, pre-surgery physical to clear me for surg, blood tests, ekg, etc etc. what a giant pita. so after the surg it will either be 3 days recovery (if they can do it all laparoscopically and can cut the mass off whatever organ with no problems) or i will have to stay in the hospital for quite awhile because they had to cut it off my GI, *OR* and this is my least favorite: i will have to be cathed for ten days if they have to cut it off the bladder. i swear to god, i WILL kill something in that time if that turns out to be the case. i HATE being cathed. i do very much want answers tho, so this is all for the best right?



also it is also a kind of good thing that i had all these appts, because at my pre-op physical i offhandedly asked the doctor about this weird rash/bruise on my leg, and surprise! i have lyme disease. which is super funny if you know me, i have been *paranoid* about lyme disease since i was like 10yr. i had been crazy exhausted, with bone aches and a headache for a couple days since getting back from bm, but i figured it was just recovery from spending a week in the desert. i am betting that in the first few nights of getting back, when 5 our of 6 cats were sleeping in our bed at night because they missed us so much, one of them must have brought in an unwelcome visitor to infect me. jerks. i should shave them all in retaliation. luckily since they caught it extremely early (the rash had only started forming like 2days before my appt.) i only have to take abx for a month, but that will be the 6th month this year so far that i am on abx. which is killing me. my body absolutely hates this and isn't shy about letting me know. doxy in particular usually makes me puke like i have the starring role in exorcist: the return: now with even more devilpuke. all courses of abx were necessary, my cut hand, 3 kidney infections, and cystitis, but srsly god, can you stop making me go thru this already?



so since getting diagnosed i still have all the lyme symptoms, now with added abx side effects. it's like all the gods of surgery are lining up against me again, in my last surg (gallbladder out) i was on cipro for 2 weeks for my kidney infection, then totally had a surprise infection in my gallbladder due to impacted gallstones, AND my gallbladder was way oversized meaning that they had to emergency slice me open and i have a long crooked surg scar across my upper abdomen. then my heart stopped in surg for no reason AND i refused to wake up from anesthesia. hopefully this time will be way less dramas, but i am thinking of asking them, if they have to make an incision because laparoscopy isn't viable for the situation, to ask them to make it somehow a design to match up with the other scar. like maybe an upside down smiley face? or a giant check mark? come on drs, give me something to work with here!

Dude yeah stop with all the trying to die shit! :( I told you cats are evil. I know I already said this...but look out for the patchouli-scented hippie health vibes coming your way :) I am thinking good thoughts for you! <3
Oh, geez. That's a lot going on. Get yourself better and quickly, young lady!
Zoe is so radiant.

I"m sorry you're dealing with all these health problems. Good luck with the surgery. I hope your doctors can get everything under control for you.
I was D: the whole time I was reading that. I really, really, really hope you get better soon! <3
i was just thinking of you! we are watching the CERN episode of NTSF:ST:SUV (its funny)

thx you! i think i will be fine. honestly this all sounds a lot more complicated than it really is. except the lyme disease part, that is just totally whack! i guess its not paranoia, its BEING PRESCIENT!
the fair skin and enthusiasm of youth!

hey i hope you're ok
Zoe is adorable!

And seriously, what a medical year you seem to have had. Hope for the best with the surgery. Quick recovery!
Hope all goes well and the ABX stop fracking with you.
D:
I hope the surgery goes well for you and that you don't have to stay in the hospital for too long! I will keep you in my thoughts and send good vibes.
Your daughter looks like she had a lot of fun. Good for her! :)
Congrats to Zoe!

I hope everything for you goes easily.
Go Tigers! And TWO sousaphones? That made me LOL. I couldn't tell if you were being sarcastic or if marching bands are different where you are.

And my goodness, you need a break from all this sickness. Get well soon!
there is no money for marching bands in california anymore, so most high schools don't even have a marching band, or they have like 30 people. this band is like 250 people. it's insane.
Aww, that's really sad. Marching bands are big where I live. My high school band had hundreds of people in it. I don't know how many sousaphones exactly, but I was one of 12 bass drums.
I giggled at the "2 sousaphones" part, because in my high school band there were generally anywhere from 4 to 6.

Best of luck to you with all this medical bullshit! I hope it's sorted as quickly as possible.
yeah, out here there are no marching bands at all for the most part anymore, because california started educational budget slashing like 25 yr ago. public schools in the area that do have a band have about 30 people. this band is like 200+, and the only reason the school has band still is that it is privately funded by the community. the team they played at the last away game didnt have ANY sousaphones and their entire horn section was like maybe 10 people.
Hep! <3 I hope you get the best case scenario and everything is resolved as quickly as possible.
she looks so cute and HAPPY!

good luck with your surgery! I've already bitched about all my post surgery woes so I am sending you all the GOOD SURGERY VIBES I can! hope you have no complications!
I can't see your pics. Do I need to be friended to you on flickr to do so?

It sucks that you have to have surgery and DAMN I hate being cathed too, it is the worst ever, so I hope you don't have to deal with that for too long. I am hoping for the pain-med-fog posts option. Take care. <3
i fixed it! i reuploaded them and forgot to update new urls!
i fixed it! i reuploaded them and forgot to update new urls!
Zoe has such a wonderful smile!

:( at all the health issues. Sending you lots of good thoughts and positive wishes. <3
Good luck, and best wishes for a speedy recovery! :)

Also just wanted to say thank you for sharing your photography; your work is beautiful.
She is so pretty!

Lyme, that is nuts! I hope all goes well for you next week. This is so much to be dealing with at once. Keep us posted.
i appreciate that you don't live the most traditional lifestyle yet you are supportive of your daughter doing something like cheerleading.

i was a pommie (dance team) in high school and was frustrated that some felt i should only exist in that world - pommie types didn't understand my interests/expressions or friendships with people who weren't in the popular cliques, and some of those on the "edges" thought i couldn't relate to them or that it wasn't possible to enjoy the whole "joiner" aspect of school but still have original/alternative thoughts, aspirations, etc.
we are extra supportive of her cheering, because it was part of our 12 step plan to get her, if not OVER her intense social anxiety, at least in a place where it is more deal-with-able for her. not that i would ever be unsupportive of whatever they want to do, but one of the reasons i am SO proud of her for this even tho it's not my "thing", is that only 4yr ago she was terrified to ever talk to a stranger (on the phone, waitstaff at an eatery, librarian, it didn't matter, ANY stranger). through slowly working from small background non-speaking roles in the school play, to a small shared group speaking role, to her own speaking role, to doing gymnastics in front of hundreds, to now cheering and doing complex routines in front of thousands, she has worked really hard to get past the almost crippling shyness that is a base part of her personality. we are working her up to doing debate or speech in junior/senior year (first group then solo is the plan), so that by college she will be able to approach all of those kinds of situations with less fear and the competence and confidence that comes from having to do that kind of stuff. having NEVER been shy myself (really the opposite hehe) it is a foreign mindset to me, but i am aware of how incredibly hard it is to "just get over it!" like most people tell shy people. so this helps her, while also being fun and a supportive group of friends.

now if only i could take zane's plans to join the circus so easily hehe! (she does aerial tissu and trapeze, and someday does want to work with a circus. but i mean, im sure my mom heard "i want to be a professional photographer" as either "i want to be poor/pour coffee all my life" back in the day hehehhe!)