pacman inkee

message from heaven

message from heaven by hep
message from heaven, a photo by hep on Flickr.

because i haven't posted this pic in awhile, and for once i am not busy for THREE WHOLE DAYS and can do things like reply to lj comments in a timely fashion!

The problem with LJ: we all think we are so close, but really, most of us don't know very much about each other. So I want you to ask me something you think you should know about me. Something that should be obvious, but you have no idea about. Ask away.

All answers will be screened if you want to ask anything super personal.

Tell me about how / why you married Roger and how it worked out to be the way it is today!

Which, by the way, is awesome- the way it is. But I don't know the story.
we worked ren faire together as kids/teens and dated right after i broke up with cj. i wanted to date someone more social, who felt more like a partner rather than someone i had to mother. we did well together, but had a lot of friction due to our personalities. you know me, i do NOT take criticism well, and unfortunately at the time, and even sometimes now, roger can be, or come off as, very critical. eventually when zane was 6mo old we decided to see other people (the plan was to eventually divorce if things couldn't work out, but we are both lazy/busy and it ends up being easier this way in regards to insurance, kids' school, stuff like this hospital where, while i love my mom, i don't want to put her in the position of power of attorney over me) because we were just fighting 100% of the time. it works out far far better for us to be friends, whenever he is critical (and usually its without meaning to be, you know how that can be), i don't take it super crazy personal like i did when we were together. we still love each other very much, but in more of an extremely close platonic bond. i really wish he could find someone to date who appreciates him, he is a fucking awesome guy, i am just too ~sensitive~ to be in a relationship with him. it turns out i really DO need someone i can mother hehe!
hahaha! yeah he's super harsh but you can tell its just him. that can be so hard. but he's such a great dad !
What's your favourite subject to shoot?

What do you consider your biggest accomplishment and your biggest regret in life?
my favorite things to shoot are pretty tied between urban decay and industrial artifacts. urban decay is pretty self explanatory, but of industrial artifacts its this order: tunnels, cranes, bridges, trains. sometimes it jumps around.

my biggest accomplishment is definitely the kids. hardest job too. i don't really have a lot of real regrets, mostly silly stuff like never getting to shoot a space shuttle launch. pretty much like 99% of my regrets revolve around missing a shot or having brought the wrong equipment to capture something like i know i could have hehe! OH ~ARTISTS~!!
After 9.5 years, I actually cannot think of anything that I should know but don't. Do I get a cookie?

Edit: by which I mean anything I should know about a person I have admired online but never actually been fortunate enough to chill with irl.

Edited at 2011-09-22 03:54 am (UTC)
Having lost a sibling, how has that informed the kind of relationship you want your kids to have all as siblings as they grow older?
that is a super good question! i think it makes me subtly enforce them to be aware that the real world is out there trying to fuck you most of the time. or in other words to appreciate each other and everything as much as you can remember (no one is perfect right? hehe) we ALWAYS say i love you when we all say goodbye. we talk about my brother a lot, and they are aware of how much his death affected me. if he can't be a living memory in their life i want them to understand at least my memories of him, so they know how awesome he was even if they were not lucky enough to know him.

i hope they will all stay as close as they are right now. they bicker A LOT, but i firmly believe that bickering with siblings is an incredibly useful social practice move. you try out insults on your sister when you are cranky, OR just in the mood to fight, you know kids, so that you can perfect usage for the schoolyard later. but they are all SUPER tight not only when bad things are happening (like when zane was really sick in the hospital after her surgery last year) but also over 50% of the time they are hanging out together they are getting along, which is my good relationship/bad relationship metric. evan tutors zoe in math every night, zoe and zane constantly drill back and forth for quizzes and tests, they both practice volleyball together because zoe played for 3 years and zane is still playing now. evan and zane build advanced nerdery in minecraft together for 45mins per night. so not only do they tolerate each other, but they willingly hang with each other pretty much all the time. i hope they are always like that. i miss my brother because he died, and i miss my sister because she lives on the other side of country, so i hope that closeness is firmly in them, at least until they start to move out and possibly far away. and even past that with the internet!
When did you start with photography?

And when did you go professional?
i started when i was a kid, i used to shoot on my grandfathers old manual nikon. later i had an aunt who was a painter, and she taught me a bunch of art stuff and encouraged my interest. i went pro at 16 when i apprenticed under a wedding, formal dance, and high school senior portrait photog for several years while i finished high school and went to art school. i've been shooting off and on ever since, mostly pro but i take long breaks too to do computer stuff sometimes.